Helpful Self Soothe Gifs

I first came across these Gifs on Healing Schemas. Originally shared via http://dead-rainbow.tumblr.com/post/108825682249/anxiety-gif-master-post

They have helped me to focus when practising mindful breathing and to refocus on the present. When I am out and about away from being able to watch restful everyday activities such as making tea or coffee they are great as gifs on mobiles. Try some out here or use the link where you will find so many more that are helpful. These worked for me:

Breathe in and out in time to the shapes.

Focus on the movement of the brush on the page.

Whether watching a moving image or focusing on the action of making comforting drinks, a great starter self soothe activity.

Let your eyes focus on the movement of the steam upwards.

Unlike Burping, Thinking is NOT always 'better out than in'!

You know the moment, that one when the belcher states with satisfaction to the belchee 'oooh, that was better out than in!' Etiquette aside, I think we can all agree there are few things that are more irksome than trapped wind. Enough said. What about 'trapped thinking'? Impulse control has always been an issue for me, particularly when I have been emotionally overwhelmed.

In the past I had a reputation for lobbing conversational 'grenades' into social gatherings. It has been damaging to me and damaging to those on the receiving end. Much of this has centred on two things that I have always struggled with. 1) My inability to read social situations appropriately and 2) My need to find a way of managing the crescendos of difficult emotions. I've come to think of these moments as my BPD having a verbal 'burp'. As with other impulsive behaviour associated with BPD such behaviour was ultimately self defeating and actively prevented me from building sustainable relationships. I mean if your opening gambit is 'Hi my name's Alma, I was abused as a child, how are you?' it's hardly surprising that most friendships ended before they began, with potential good friends stuttering away from me as they headed to the hills.

Such impulses I see as the 'burps' that have arisen from my emotional turmoil inside. Along with my expectation that others should be able to read my mind and that I, in turn, could tell what other people were thinking about me, such outbursts were a way of de-cluttering the mess of thoughts that were running around in my head. I have had to learn to filter myself a lot more, I'm still tactless at times and often say what everyone else is thinking, because I don't always follow the rules of social restrictions, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

The skills that have helped me to do this start with mindfulness. If I take a moment to breathe before I speak, especially when meeting new people, then that allows me time to notice what I am thinking, before I 'burp' it to the outside world, unfiltered.

Other methods I use, especially when I notice difficult memories and thoughts is to use thought diffusion exercises - such as turning the thoughts into leaves or clouds and watching them pass me by without having to articulate or cling onto them. In times when I have needed clear space to do this, I have made my excuses and retreated, literally from the room. Ultimately, if I can remember to ask myself, 'would this thought help me or the others around me if it was on my lips instead of in my mind?' this can act as a useful net to catch any damaging thoughts before they cause any harm. In Northern Ireland there is a saying 'catch yerself on' which basically means, 'would you have some sense, please?' This needs to be a reminder to myself to keep thoughts that are best kept in - in, until I can deal with them appropriately.

A helpful way of bringing this process out of my mind is to draw or create a head with a large circle for the mind and a large mouth. If I can write down examples of thoughts on pieces of paper and place them in either the mind or the mouth, as appropriate, I can teach myself to recognise which thoughts are 'better in than out'. This picture is one example of how someone has used this method to practice filtering their thoughts.

An Image for Emotion Regulation and Mindful Breathing

Here is another picture that I use when dealing with difficult emotions like anger, or anxiety.

I use the picture to focus while bringing my breathing under control. I imagine myself in a small boat on the river. I allow it to carry me forward carried along on the river, as I lie in the bottom of the boat watching the sky above with its clouds and beautiful sunset. As I am carried forward on the water I change my focus from my breathing in and out to notice negative thoughts and feelings as they arise, I then change my focus to the clouds floating by above, returning to focus on my breath until it has slowed and become regular. As I notice the thoughts and feelings, I notice as they float up from the boat to the clouds above. I give them the form of words, often with characteristic size, shape and colour, so Anger cna be spiky, red, and large when I first notice it. I then watch the negative feelings grow smaller as they drift upwards away from me towards the clouds until they dissolve completely. As each thought or feeling arises and floats away I watch, then return my focus to my breathing, until I feel completely calm.

It works for me because it helps me to balance control of my breaths along with identifying and controlling the emotions as they arise. Managing to identify and manage the emotion until it grows less intense takes time and practice. Concentrating on slowing down your breathing is a good first step.

My DBT Classical Music Playlist

Despite my love of music, I grew up in a house where listening to any kind of music was not routine. My parents did not have an extensive selection of music from the fifties and sixties. As regards classical music - there was absolutely no reference. They had never been exposed to the beauty of music and its ability to express emotions, so as children we relied on school for our classical music education.

At Primary School, I was enthralled by Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf. It was a revelation to my creative mind that music, as well as words could tell stories and I loved the fact that I could follow the characters through their adventure as each instrument became identifiable.

At University I was finally exposed to the joys and intricacies of the classical canon. It helped that two of my closest friends were professional musicians, one had been trained at Wells, then the Royal Northern and continued to earn a living as a harpist both in orchestras and as a soloist. I often accompanied her to her concerts as a kind of 'roadie' helping her to unload her 'big harp' (technical term!). As I experienced live music, I was exposed to an emotional depth in music that popular music, which I equally love, can only dream about reaching. One of my musician friends tried to explain the technical reasons why particular phrases and cadences appealed to me. I really didn't care - what mattered to me in my late teens and early twenties was that there was a form of music which was capable to reflecting the waves and crashes of my internal life at the time.

I find it fascinating that during the period (some eight years) when I found myself feeling nothing but numbness, I could not tolerate listening to any classical music.

As I have moved through treatment into recovery, I have 'rediscovered' my love of classical music. I have used some pieces to help me manage waves of emotion through mindfulness exercises. Unlike pop music which may have one or two emotional notes in a three minute period, most classical music moves through nuances of tone, and uses dynamics, like waves to build to a crescendo before receding into quieter periods. One of my favourite pieces to use in mindfulness is by Rachmaninov and it lasts 17 minutes. That is a good period of time in which to manage many of my emotional waves. So here are some rediscovered gems which have helped me to use my DBT skills recently.

This is my current classical playlist:

1) Bach Unaccompanied Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major - Prelude. This is a good starter because it will be familiar from ads etc and features, as stated one solo instrument and therefore one simple melody to focus on. For some people listening to classical music can seem daunting perhaps because of the number of instruments and the different, sometimes competing melodies and counter melodies.

2) Rachmaninov Symphony No 2 in E Minor - Adagio. This is my current favourite for practising mindfulness 'in the moment' and 'emotion' and 'thought' diffusion exercises. It has a very strong, emotive central theme which recurs right at the end - in the meantime the rise and fall of the melody can be used to track my emotions, as they build up and fade away. I was getting annoyed with my parents on a long car journey recently and successfully used this piece of music to focus on my breathing and let go of my angry feelings. Incredibly soothing.

3) G F Handel - Arrival of the Queen of Sheba. Just really enjoyable and uplifting.

4) Vivaldi - Concerto for Violin and Strings - The Four Seasons - Winter. This is a piece of music which allows you to imagine winter creeping up. I defy you not to be able to imagine ice creeping up on winter as you listen. The final movement reproduces stamping feet, ice skating and the impact of the creeping ice on both man and nature - love it!

5) Faure Requiem - In Paradisum. Amazingly soothing calming.

6) G F Handel - Zadok the Priest. I recently was delayed on a plane flight and was 'participating' so much on this piece of music that I forgot I was standing in a line waiting to be 'herded' onto my EasyJet flight - until I opened my eyes and found several people staring at me. It was the epitome of mindful 'participation'.

This is a relatively short list, but if I don't set a limit I could keep going for a very, very long time.... I am absolutely certain many others reading this will have their own favourite classical pieces that are helpful in managing emotions.

Dealing with Panic and His Friend, Anxiety

Anxiety comes over me like a cloud of indefinable darkness and confusion. My heart starts beating faster, my stomach goes into overdrive (like a washing machine) and my abdominal muscles go into spasm. Two years ago these spasms had gone on for over five days, which resulted in my suffering from vomiting reflex once or twice every hour. Eventually, I was exhausted and in total despair and so was forced to go to A&E. Anyone who has never suffered the effects of truly debilitating panic or depression may wonder at the impact on the body, but do not tell me that there is no link between my physical and mental well being.

Since beginning Dialectical Behaviour Therapy I have learned to focus on the signs from my body, including my breathing patterns, so that I recognise anxiety before it can develop into full blown panic attacks. Essentially, when under stress, I actually stop breathing for short periods of time. It doesn't take a genius to work out that if you stop breathing your body will get the signal that something is very wrong and that it is time to ignite the 'fight or flight' response. In other words, I was signalling my body to release as much adrenaline as possible - guess what? Heart rate rises and blood rushes away from where it's needed to where the body 'thinks' it's needed. The same goes for shallow, rapid breathing. Does that make sense? It did to me when my therapist pointed it out to me. So, the very first thing I do is acknowledge that my body is in panic mode which indicates that I am anxious about something.

Mindful Breathing

1. Notice your breathing, what it is doing and focus on returning it to a more measured level.
2. Just focus on the in...and...out, no need for deep breathing, just breathe normally and naturally.
3. Observe, the effect on your nose, in your lungs.
4. Watch the rise and fall of your ribcage and stomach.
5. Don't let worry thoughts distract you from this task.
6. Just focus.

But what about the trigger to the panic? First of all it helps to be able to name the emotion. Sometimes anxiety causes our thinking to become muddled as the reality is that the things we worry about don't come in one by one so we can manage them easily. Instead, they gang up on us and crowd in, bullying and badgering us for not finding immediate solutions. Having acknowledged that I am anxious, I focus on my breathing to relax my body, so I am not entering an inexorable physical and emotional spiral as I did previously. There are a number of mindful exercises that I have learned.

Thought Diffusion

The first and easiest one for me to manage is to attach my worries in my mind to the leaves of a tree and allow the leaves to drop gently towards a flowing river, which carries them away one by one. This exercise takes practice and a basic knowledge of mindful breathing, but is effective in everyday situations.

Guided Imagery (The White House)

Another one I use is called 'The White House'. (Here is the link: http://www.themindfulword.org/2012/guided-imagery-scripts-children-anxiety-stress/) This is a guided imagery exercise for children, but is so effective for anyone. I have found it very useful when I am overwhelmed by the size or number of my problems and worries. The most important thing about this exercise is that you cannot move into the part where you can relax until you have set down the large 'rucksack' of worries at the bottom of the stairs to the big White House. (obviously if you haven't read the instructions yet this won't make much sense, so please take a moment to have a look).

Problem Solving Questionnaire

I have recently found myself working through the 'Yes', 'No' questions of problem solving:

1. Are you worried about a specific Problem? If No, then don't worry. (Accept)

2. If Yes, is it a problem that can be solved? If No, then don't worry. (Accept)

3. If Yes, do you know the solution? If Yes, then don't worry. (Change)

4. If No, then don't worry because there is nothing you can do by worrying. (Accept)

Acceptance and Change
This process reveals two of the principle skills of DBT, in fact they are foundational: Acceptance and Change. The serenity prayer is so called because it holds these two truths in balance and releases us from wasting our energy on those things that are outside our control. My Anxiety can be controlled by using these skills, and by realising that if I can change the circumstances of my problems, then I don't need to worry. Also if I cannot change them but can learn to accept them as beyond my control, then there is no point in my worrying and I am losing out on the here and now.

Not one of these ways of managing my anxiety is either natural to me, or easy. As long as I have had panic attacks and suffered from anxiety I have defaulted to spirals which mean that the anxiety has controlled me. I therefore need to put in as much effort and time to developing the habit of preventing anxiety from (literally) taking me over and making it impossible for me to function to any effective degree.

Maybe you've tried some ideas like these and they've not worked immediately - stick with it. I know there are times when I still slip back, but never again has my whole body gone into spasm from an emotional response.

Again, I would say the key to me making use of these skills is, practise, practise, practise. I cannot change as and when the panic will rise, but I can change my responses to it and its little friend, anxiety.