Lightbulbs

I find the new energy efficient lightbulbs an interesting phenomenon. I know equipping my house with these slow starters is wise and better than their predecessors. Then again, I miss the immediate relief from a fully lit room when I flick the switch, particularly if frantically searching for something from room to room! Lightbulbs remind me of many moments in my life when I have learned something new about myself, others and the world around me.

Therapy is like moving through a house from room to room with a series of lightbulb moments lighting the way forward. Here are some that have illuminated my path through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy:

1. No matter how distressing and painful they may be, my feelings cannot kill me.

2. No amount of waiting for therapy guarantees or promises that the therapy I am awaiting for will solve all my problems.

3. No one person or therapy can meet all my expectations and needs.

4. Even the best therapist/friend/lover cannot undo my past suffering and its wounds.

5. There are therapies which can help me to manage my emotions.

6. I need to participate fully in any treatment or therapy in order for it to become effective for me.

7. I am responsible for using as many of the skills as fit my life and needs as I can, in order to live a life that is meaningful to me.

8. The end of therapy and discharge from mental health services is only the beginning of making use of the skills I have learned.

9. Just because a skill works for me, does not mean it will definitely work for everyone.

10. Even though new skills may feel difficult and strange, they are worth giving a go, because everything I have used to keep going so far in my life, hasn't helped for long (if at all).

11. Change doesn't happen all at once or overnight.

12. If I give the skills time, they will help me to control my emotions, rather than have my emotions control me.

13. I can never overestimate the time I need to spend using and practising my skills. I may be able to learn what the skills are in the space of a year, but on average it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master any skill or talent.

14. I can learn to take risks with relationships and friendships, when I don't fear the emotional impact of any hurdles or problems.

15. Mind reading is not a skill that I or any person possesses. I cannot know what they are thinking and them not being able to read my mind is not a sign of their lack of love or care for me.

16. Feelings, like waves, rise and fall in intensity. If I can live with them for a moment, in time they will ease and fade.

17. Difficult feelings I experience in the here and now are much more bearable if I don't allow them to connect with a stream of pain and suffering from my past. I am only expected to find the skills and strength to deal with today's emotions.

18. The fact that I am still here, means that I have committed to engage in the world and relationships around me today.

19. I have had the strength and courage to survive my past. Whatever challenges therapy holds for me pales in comparison.

20. I am worth caring for. I may be the product of my past experiences, I do not have to be a prisoner of them.

Not all Memories are to be Feared

I used to fear remembering my childhood. There was too much pain. One thing I have learned in managing the symptoms of BPD is that even in one hour of time, there are different shades of light and dark that make up my experience. As I have developed skills to enable me to cope with distress and painful emotions I have tried to 'redeem' the good things from my past. I started with music. I love music too much to allow the bad things that have happened to me, stop me from listening to music that can bring me real enjoyment in the here and now. Things like places to visit, films, music don't have to attach to negative memories.

I have a tendency to ruminate and I used to 'wallow' by listening to what I call 'slit your wrist' music - but as I have started to recover I realise that feeling wasn't within the music or the experience I am remembering - it was coming from me. Different visual and musical arts express the range of emotions, that's what draws me to them. It's great to find outlets for my overflowing emotions. Or should I say, it's great to find 'safe' outlets for my overflowing emotions. That is what has been so liberating about redeeming expressive things like photos, paintings and music.

Recently, I have started to move on to redeeming my memories of favourite places. And there have been many. I come from a beautiful island - Ireland. There is so much to see and we did get out and about as kids. Today is a Bank Holiday and it is sunny the kind of day we would get in the car and drive (not far - nowhere is far in Ireland) down to the coast or into the country to visit amazing places. I love history and history was all around me growing up. For so long the enjoyment and escape I enjoyed in visiting these places was lost as I was overwhelmed by painful things from growing up. It is so vital to reclaim those things that actually fed me emotionally and kept me going, even when I didn't realise it at the time. I wanted to share two particular places that have been so special to me.



This is Portavogie Harbour. We would end days out sometimes here where we would buy 'potted herring' take them home and have them for tea. The fish here was always snap fresh.



Mount Stewart is my favourite historic place to visit. We had school trips and day trips as family to this wonderful house with amazing grounds. It is on the shore of Strangford Lough as well. Strangford is famous for having 365 islands and being a unique area of natural beauty because it is a sea inlet.

In places like this I could escape and enjoy imagining life in different worlds from my own. They provided a sense of safety for me that helped me to survive. In addition, they helped to feed my creativity - something which has stayed with me into my adulthood.