Tuesday, 7 April 2015

I'm not 'melancholic' and I don't actually 'enjoy' being Depressed

No, I can't 'just cheer up' and no I don't actually 'enjoy feeling this way'. It doesn't actually result in me feeling noticed, it feels as if I am inside my own head screaming and no one can hear me. Often those of us diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) also have 'co-morbidities' or identifiable mental illnesses which can be treated in isolation from the symptoms of my BPD. For me I am on meds to treat severe clinical depression and anxiety.

Of course none of these conditions lives in isolation within me - we are after all complex beings. Problem is when you are not living my life, you may have a number of straightforward (for you) responses.

1) Ignore the severity of my symptoms and thereby dismiss them
2) Decide that I'm obviously not trying hard enough to stop my symptoms
3) Try to rescue me by offering me inappropriate 'solutions' which make you feel better.

I was speaking to someone I consider very together, but who has been suffering a number of physical problems which have resulted in him feeling low. He was telling me about a friend of his who he needs to keep as a friend, he thinks, but who seems to spend most of their time together telling his friend just what he's been doing wrong, ie he is to blame for his physical conditions and therefore 'shouldn't' be feeling low about his situation. Sound familiar?

Depression is so misunderstood, maybe because it is the most common and identifiable mental illness. This article really struck a chord with me.