Little by Little .... getting our lives back

There has been a lot of discussion on the media and throughout social media about the anticipation greeting some easing of restrictions which we have all grown used to throughout the last 12 months. Having survived a stroke in September 2020 my life has change more radically than I would have thought possible this time last year. What has remained the same for me is my daily use of the same skills I have been using to live in Recovery from long term mental health issues to recover physically from my stroke and to manage the social restrictions of 'lockdown'. With that in mind I wanted to share some thoughts for managing a period of yet more change which started for us in England yesterday. 1. Take your time. As with much of our experience of developing mental health conditions such as depression and long term anxiety disorders, it has taken us some time to adjust to the radical changes to our behaviour over the past twelve months. Given the alien nature of many of the measures taken to protect not only ourselves, but also others around us, we need to reflect and ask ourselves some questions which I admit to borrowing from the day of Reflection on 23rd March. Firstly, what have we gained that we want to keep? For me, as someone who is happy with my own company I have found the lack of pressure to 'be more sociable' has been liberating whilst growing my circle of friends through meeting up online and then making arrangements as one to one walks became my main physical fitness activities. It has been noticeable over the past month that our parks and common walking spaces are again filling up with a lot of groups of people. This, for me, feels uncomfortable. Mostly I have been going into supermarkets with a confidence which has previously been elusive, both mask wearing and social distancing have made going into shops and other public spaces less daunting for me, so in a sense I have been able to venture more often into places I had avoided in the past. 'Going back to normal' is not without its challenges for me, so I need to take my time and adjust to the influx of people into public spaces.

2. Be prepared to feel exhausted. One of my early bosses, an Australian with a formidable zest for life, used to tell me, the only humans who relish change are babies with dirty nappies! Change happens all the time, but more often than not, it is usually natural, gradual and doesn't make us feel completely out of control. For a year, we have grappled with the reality of a virus which it seemed was entirely out of any human ability to control. Alongside that governmental efforts nationally and internationally have seemed to some over the top and to others (usually those with first hand experience of the effects of the virus) not enough and not for long enough. Due to the emotional impact of living with untold thousands of deaths daily, as well as the emotions involved in hoping for something to happen to stop the deaths and illness, we are emerging from lockdown feeling exhausted. Those of us who have managed mood disorders understand that emotions are exhausting. And that means that rushing headlong towards positive feelings may not be the most helpful idea. Take time to grieve what has been lost. To return to my questions: what have you lost that you would be able or want to get back? Be realistic has the past year forced change which when you reflect on it, whilst difficult to go through has been necessary and brought you to a better place? 3. Keep your Connections. Connecting is one of the #5waysofwellbeing and one of the benefits of a period of national mourning and need is that it has opened up opportunity for deeper relationships, because we have been faced with some realities about our own mortality and the limits of our power to control or influence the world around us, on our own. My recovery journeys, both mental and physical have not been done in isolation, a network of friends and professionals have helped me along my way. In the same way, maintaining our health when the crisis is over will depend on us, corporately and in community, continuing to maintain our connections through which we have managed to support one another over the past twelve months. When you can remember to take time to keep up with new friends and friendships made through this time and be grateful for kind neighbours and supportive friends. 4. Keep your awareness going. For months we have waited and watched. Perhaps, we have noticed more about the pressures and needs of our public servants: Doctors, Nurses, Police, Pharmacists, Teachers. As isolation and lockdown forced us to manage our own health and education needs, perhaps we have a greater awareness of what they face each and every day. I hope that it will make us more tolerant of the burdens many people we complain about not doing their jobs, face yet continue serving us. I recently watched a documentary about the life and death of Caroline Flack, in early 2020 before the Covid pandemic exploded. The hashtage #bekind trended all over the world. HOwever, harshness and intolerance seems to be no less prevalent and the impact of social media continues to fuel a high degree of risk of suicide, especially among certain age groups. Just because you have the ability and forum to speak, doesn't mean that you should - unless you have something that helps, rather than damages other human beings. Acknowledging that my behaviour has a direct impact on others around me, is to begin to create networks which can be safer, not only in preventing infectious diseases, but in helping to tackle the epidemic of despair. Before you post or get caught into criticising someone whose shoes you don't walk in, think, what have I learned this year about how difficult life can be for others who are different from me?

5. Be gentle. With yourself, with your family, neighbours and even with those who have had so much responsibility for having to manage an impossible situation, locally, nationally, globally. 6. Go back to basics. One of the changes I had to manage following my stroke was to think about driving again. The good thing I learned was that, having had a clot rather than a bleed, my stroke did not mean that I had to consider giving up my licence and that after four weeks I would have been free to drive again. However, even though my memory wasn't damaged to any great extent, rememberinng to drive did take some focus and effort. I went back to the fundamentals I remembered from learning to drive. I started slowly, waiting for the 'bite' on the clutch and soon, muscle memory took over. As we aim to get back to where we left off, let's look at the basics. What do you need to live a life you believe is worth living? Firstly, acknowledge what we all need to survive and I'm not talking about toilet roll...food, water, sleep, shelter. Then what gives your life meaning? Family, relationships, a faith in something bigger, being able to help others? In a sense, more than anything else 2020/21 has been an opportunity to push 'stop' on the treadmill and to reset, having reviewed what matters. Just because we might be allowed to go somewhere by a certain date, doesn't mean we should. What will rushing headlong back into holidays abroad add to my life, that time spent away from the four walls around me, doing refreshing activities in my own country wouldn't? As with any setbacks in life, we can decide to run away from it and all the lessons we have learned or, we can choose to embrace what the Pandemic has offered to us in terms of shaking us up and showing us what matters and what gives our life meaning and hope.