tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16734838880309805842024-03-27T05:43:58.764+00:00Tracing the rainbow through the RainReflections on life with BPD. Experience of using DBT to manage ESPD/BPD symptoms. Wanting to connect and encourage others struggling with Mental Illness. Stop the Stigma - the best way to learn about my Mental Health is to ask me about it...Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.comBlogger192125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-84517669464353922782021-03-30T14:25:00.000+01:002021-03-30T14:25:54.309+01:00Little by Little .... getting our lives backThere has been a lot of discussion on the media and throughout social media about the anticipation greeting some easing of restrictions which we have all grown used to throughout the last 12 months. Having survived a stroke in September 2020 my life has change more radically than I would have thought possible this time last year. What has remained the same for me is my daily use of the same Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-75753572546094151152020-12-31T17:32:00.002+00:002020-12-31T17:32:25.477+00:00So, THAT happened As I write I've reached the end of another year, 2020. I know that is has been 'challenging' in so many ways for so many people. You will have noticed that once again this is the first article in a very long time and to be honest with you the reason for that is because once again, I have been reminded of my frailty, physically and emotionally. In short, I don't remember much of September and Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-77987873759875436172020-06-20T17:26:00.002+01:002020-06-24T12:24:55.179+01:00Accepting Love - The hardest task of allI think I've shared before a picture of the traumatised child which explains how hard it is for adoptive and foster parents to successfully give that child an experience of unconditional love. A friend who is an adoptive Mum shared it with me and at the time it resonated powerfully with me. When someone has been shown nothing but proof that they are worthless, when a care-giver seeks to pour Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-69343878774731509842020-04-18T13:54:00.002+01:002020-04-18T13:55:33.692+01:00Recovery Interrupted?One of the occupying concerns I have had since social distancing was implemented in the UK, has been for those who have been attending our weekly community group. Online I have ongoing contact with many more in terms of numbers. However, I am aware of the needs of face to face contact and encouragement particularly for those who are waiting for referrals, or for those who are in the process of Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-49045729513479313422020-04-17T14:13:00.000+01:002020-04-17T14:13:19.243+01:00Isolation - surviving on the desert island'No Man is an island' the words of John Donne have never been more starkly in focus than during the current worldwide battle against a common invisible enemy. A virus has shown up the lies that tell us that we can be divided into different groups, that there is such an entity as 'them' and 'us'. An organism designed to attack human beings is currently ravaging every nation, every race, every Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-27288288129575691292020-02-22T15:21:00.001+00:002020-02-22T15:21:09.015+00:00Young People's Mental Health: The Clash Between Welfare & Achievement
I have hesitated for some time before putting in writing my thoughts on the subject of Young People's Mental Health within our current education system. I have witnessed the narrowing of what education means, from a distance. I have witnessed increased concern from parents and friends who are teachers and educators about the welfare of the children and young people in their care. I have tried Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-23488531191682670462020-01-05T11:30:00.004+00:002020-01-05T11:30:50.253+00:00Both....And....Life's Balancing ActIn the wee small hours of the morning, when I have tossed and turned all night, with anxious thoughts, all is darkness. Although the opposite point of view - the rose tinted glasses view that life is a bowl of cherries, seems less problematic, it is no less damaging, if it causes us to be unable to engage with life as it is.
The Dialectical part of DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) recognisesAlma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-65973065438838328682019-12-13T14:30:00.000+00:002019-12-13T14:32:06.985+00:00Where do I go from Here?This year: my mother died, my Dad was critically ill for a long period, as siblings we had to travel back and forward throughout the time he was in hospital, there were times we were told he might not make it, but he has and now needs ongoing care. I continue to struggle to find a place of security financially, my benefits review has resulted in another 1/3 cut to my income (still waiting for Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-43260957004702403642019-10-07T13:07:00.000+01:002019-10-07T13:07:28.388+01:00The Waiting GameI'm not a patient person. As I have learned to manage my emotional storms, I'm realising I am an ultimate optimist. If I believe something needs to be said or done to change a situation I want to immediately act to do that. Since 2010, following my diagnosis and entering the wonderful world of mental health services, so much of my life suddenly spun out of my control. I could try to give my Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-61065326611162763242019-09-28T18:15:00.001+01:002019-09-28T18:15:41.348+01:00Finding the Words'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?' (W Shakespeare, Sonnet 18) or how on earth do I describe you? Finding the right words is an essential skill in trying to identify for ourselves and articulate to others, the deepest hidden feelings, experiences and thoughts. Too often when it is a problem, we find ourselves inside the 'belljar'. Locked away. One of my often repeated phrases when I was Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-10030662231432815132019-09-16T12:27:00.001+01:002019-09-16T19:33:26.094+01:00The Art of ConnectingI am preparing a talk to a group of Psychological Professionals talking about my story in the context of my journey through Mental Health Services. In considering the factors which have helped me most in my journey I have been reflecting on the central relationships along the way and the need to break out of the isolation of mental ill health and connecting with the world around me.
When the Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-24622160238116610892019-08-20T11:40:00.001+01:002019-08-20T11:40:46.917+01:00Letting Go....At the risk of triggering an earworm from 2013 I've been focusing on 'letting it go' this week. I am currently taking my turn at caring for an elderly very ill parent. 2019 has been quite a year with my Mum dying in April and my father a couple of months later for radical surgery to remove large tumours by removing all his large intestine. Unfortunately, as is the case with elderly people he has Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-44691049649351543262019-06-26T11:38:00.001+01:002019-06-26T11:53:55.304+01:00'Feelings....Nothing More than Feelings...'A central workshop in our All of Us group, is one where we encourage one another to 'make friends with our feelings'. For many seeking help from mental health services, the power of feelings can at times feel overwhelming and entirely outside of the individual's ability to cope with their effects. Often over the years I have thought despairingly of my overwhelmingly powerful negative feelings asAlma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-75867033310366288572019-03-07T12:08:00.001+00:002019-03-07T12:08:17.816+00:00Noticing
One of the most popular activities in our weekly group is our 'noticing'. We spend up to 30 minutes outside (particularly positive when Spring is in the air) and focus on each of our senses in turn as follows:
1. Notice 5 things you can see.
2. Notice 4 things you can hear.
3. Notice 3 things you can smell.
4. Notice 2 things you can touch.
5. Notice 1 thing you can taste.
It's a simple Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-3723104863888848192019-01-21T14:39:00.000+00:002019-01-21T14:49:24.316+00:00I. Am. Not. My. Diagnosis....(Some (Personal) Do's and Don'ts of Lived Experience Involvement)Since I received a diagnosis which gave me access to Mental Health Services, I have spent a number of years being asked to 'be involved' with different projects within my local NHS. Some of them felt effective and useful, but many despite initially being a positive way to improve services for others with similar experiences have fizzled out - or come to an abrupt end, with little or no feedback Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-78549008516697153812019-01-07T12:50:00.001+00:002019-01-07T12:50:49.822+00:00The Power of 'Yes'Of all the skills and habits learned during Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) there is a small but significant concept known as 'willingness'. When I first came across it in a group skills session, I immediately linked it to my willingness to engage in the DBT process. However, after some years of recovery and reflection I can see that it goes so much deeper.
As an English student I Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-82540090516069875742018-11-25T13:12:00.002+00:002018-11-25T13:12:31.814+00:00Revisiting RoutineIn the past I have written about routine as an important element of recovery here "https://bpdlifeinthemoment.blogspot.com/2014/10/routine-bars-of-protection-or.html" For many, one of the most important parts of treatment or therapy, particularly when it lasts a lengthy period of time, is that it provides and external routine on my life. As well as the natural sense of loss at the ending of the Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-61636340462449175592018-10-21T12:43:00.000+01:002018-10-21T12:51:19.241+01:00Reaching Into the VoidIt is one of the most difficult aspects of the emotionally sensitive PD sufferer to communicate. It is a well of undefined emptiness, which seems to endlessly feed my fear of rejection, my sense that I am not made for this world, that life, many times, feels just too hard. It is the cause of so many devastated relationships and friendships, as my need to end the emptiness it brings, swallows up Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-76654393303433293192018-09-23T14:55:00.002+01:002018-09-23T14:55:10.129+01:00Spoon Theory and Self CareSpoon Theory was developed as a way for people with long term life limiting conditions to explain to others who may say, 'but you don't look ill/look ok', how much energy, physical and emotional, it takes just to live day by day. I love it as an easy shorthand between me and those who care to explain how I'm doing on any given day and maybe why on some days I just need to hide away.
The theory Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-54607620202957987192018-06-19T17:18:00.001+01:002018-06-19T17:18:20.411+01:00Expectations, the NHS and Unintended ConsequencesWe are proud of our NHS in this country. We rightly celebrate that anyone, no matter what income, or background, can access health services, for free, at the point of need. It is one of the few social contracts which have survived changes of political party and governmental ideology for 70 years. Most of us, recognise the connection between our willingness to contribute through tax and national Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-28182047102337158042018-04-18T12:18:00.001+01:002018-09-10T10:42:39.247+01:00Recovery StoryI have been asked to tell my story at a conference of the World Association for Psychiatric Recovery at the end of April. As part of the preparation I was also asked to provide a written version for delegates to take away...this is it:
‘The past is a foreign country.’ Not for me. My emotional memory is highly tuned and sensitive to pain and suffering, which means that the memory of childhood Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-26787777335484175842018-02-18T14:03:00.002+00:002018-02-18T14:03:56.549+00:00Joy and the Emotionally Sensitive Person'Sassy', I think this is one of my favourite words, and attitudes! There have been a large number of words used to describe me down the years: 'moody', 'drama queen', 'over sensitive', 'touchy', I could go on. However, the 'Sass' in me is fed up of the negative vocabulary attached to my diagnosis, that in itself seems confused. On my medical records the labels have changed from 'borderline', to 'Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-54704902009756750382018-02-06T14:51:00.001+00:002018-02-06T14:51:33.234+00:00Groundhogs and Finding the WordsGroundhog Day is a bizarre American public holiday based around the behaviour of a brown, furry rodent, upon which the nation apparently bases its expectation for how much longer winter will last. Until the release of the film 'Groundhog Day', so far, so obscure. Now, we use the phrase to mean recurring events or conversations. Over the past two weeks, I've had that sense of 'Groundhog Day' as I Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-72749041600577755642017-12-29T12:23:00.002+00:002017-12-29T12:25:34.075+00:00Expectations (Not Resolutions)We all have them. We've all suffered from our own and others'. Many times they are too high for anyone to fulfil. Sometimes we most misjudge our own of ourselves. Expectations and their failure or perceived failure have caused me untold tears of disappointment and frustration. I am certain I am not alone - that expectation is bound to be met!
Misplaced and excessive expectations can cause Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1673483888030980584.post-60964224373287110212017-10-24T11:59:00.004+01:002017-10-24T12:01:13.169+01:00Intricate and inextricable knots'O time, thou must untangle this, not I.
It is too hard a knot for me to untie!'
Twelfth Night - act II sc ii
I am not just a collection of interconnecting muscles, nerves, blood vessels and bone. On its own my body is a miracle of complex engineering, but within this body there are many complex chemical and electrical interactions and reactions all with different functions - perhaps I could Alma Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14051724962863196530noreply@blogger.com0